Your efforts will soon be rewarded by the people who love you. This kind of reward can't be bought, it can only be earned. Enjoy it.
It's never easy to begin a fresh challenge. Especially a genuine challenge that will see you testing your knowledge or facing up to something that you have avoided for far too long. Do it the proper way: research and professional advice. That way, you know that you'll be off to a good start, and you'll avoid picking up bad habits or bad information right from the beginning.
Focusing on the negatives could drag you down into the depths of despair. Try focusing on the positives instead.